I feel so tired and lazy... I don't feel like doing anything. Reading seems to be to tiring, just to lie down is too boring. So I'm sitting here, covered with blanket and with a cup of fake cofee.
Yesterday I couldn't sleep again. Maybe because before going to bed I was watching some report, that even made me cry a bit. I saw our ombudsman for children talking that homosexuality is a plauge that is coming from the western Europe, and we have to stop it. Don't let it spread inside our country. That hurt.
Then those young people, future of our nation, shouting about "normalcy" ? Something about faggots. That only man and woman is a normal family. That homosexuals should get to some therapy to cure their disorders.
A guy, their techie, was having some silly lecture, that sounded completely like in a church. He was talking about being obedient as a most important thing in life. Renunciation is something that will make us stronger and better. Good and abd, are the only criteria. And democracy can not exist.
I was terrified looking at their faces. So focused.
Then on 14th of february they were giving some posters that were saying about love to our country. Some other, funky girls, nearby where calling themselves 'educators' and were talking about contraception. Encouraging to use condoms to stop unwanted pregnancies etc. So those girls went to our heros and gave them something, saying 'with love to neighbors'.
'So for what are the rubbers then?' - asked their spokesman.
'To prevent from HIV, for example.'
He looked disgusted and answered through the bullhorn
'Normal diseases are flu, pneumonia and that things!'
I was even more sad and angry. I wouldn't be, but this youngsters are becoming ministers... they are responsible for our country... :( thinking about it really hurts... They are closing their minds and... no, I won't say anything more.
When I finally mangage to fall asleep I dreamt that I was dead. But as I was a ghost I was trying to let my friends know that I'm still there. I will leave it without comments.
Thick fog, trains and a friend who instead of taking care of me is trying to pick me up. My tutor is forcing me to do the difficult task and is angry that I don't even now what Trock is. It was very tiring to be sitting with an empty sheet of paper, not knowing what to write there.- There is no Wisła - I said to my mum, looking out of the window. Because of the fog I couldn't even see the river, neither the view of the city. But I was already in the train, alone. On the bridge. With the train I was going here and there, without any visible reason. I met a lot of people from erasmus one the small railway station in Laskowice Pomorskie. You were not there. You asked our friend to look after me. But he was just embracing me with a big grin on his face.- I thought you were gay - I said to him - or... are you just bisexual?His face didn't change, he just nodded.- Uhum.But that all was just a dream. Just some thoughts from yesterday which turned into a movie, plus some fiction. That's what dreams are about.
I'm wondering what is so special about Sunday's morning? There must be something, because you just need to look out the window and you know it's Sunday. Is that the birds are singing in a different way? Does the sky look different? Does the sun shine brighter? Is green more green? Do people look different? Is it just more quiet and peaceful?
I don't know the answers. But I can easily tell you when it is a Sunday's morning.
I'm sitting in my room with empty, cold walls. The desk in front of the window, a lamp, a bed and some boxes with clothes. It's all I have here.
The guy that is making my closet was supposed to come here today. But he didn't. He fell from the stairs, injured his arm and blah blah blah... I guess he just couldn't make it on time. What's the difference anyway. My closet is still not here and all our plans get screwed. Shit happens, I wouldn't bother about it much, but...But in the morning, when we were going to buy some other stuff to my room some stupid woman was trying to get into the roundabout in front of us. While she should wait. That wouldn't be so bad, that things happens, but she even used a car horn! I have no idea why. I guess she didn't now much about the road rules. But my dad was really pissed off, as it's not the first time this week that someone doesn't know how to drive and still is very self confident.
So I have my second breakfast of anger and bitterness.
Yummy, eat honey, eat.
Taste awful, I have tried to forget about it but that seems impossible.
I'm tired. I don't want to talk. I would like to lyie down, next to Gerardo. Hug him, and just stay like that, listening to a music.
I went to visit my grandma. I know she waits for me everyday. But the sad truth is that there is not much that we can talk about. I like to listen to her sometimes but I don't like to talk about myself.
- What did you have for your lunch?
Oh, I just felt like hugging her. Like I used to when I was a little girl. And even a bit bigger girl. I turned on Fashion tv and we were criticising models. And clothes. I was just trying not to keep up the subject of my grandad. I know she misses him. I know... but what can I do?I get off from the bus one stop earlier to walk a little. I passed my highschool... so many changes since I've been there last time. Cold wind was mulishly trying to get under my clothes but I didn't care much. Soon there will be real spring. With sun, blue sky and high temperature. In that moment I had good music in my ears and some nice ideas in my head, so why to care about the weather.
Oh.. it got dark. Who cares, this day didn't have colours anyway.
