Sun

Awesome

I was walking up the stairs and as soon as I reached my floor, a neighbour from downstairs went out of her flat with a needle in her forearm. I hurried so she wouldn't ask me for any help. I was not feeling like helping any injections. Luckily she just knocked on the door opposite of her flat. I knocked to the door of my flat and checked if they were open. No one was at home for a long time before. Surprisingly this time it was open. So I entered.
"Finally someone is at home!"
And yes, there was someone. My mum came out from the kitchen dressed in a habit. I felt like someone has shot me. I slumped to the ground covering my mouth opened with shock. My mum seeing my face quickly added:
"Oh, dad was allowed to pray" like if that was enough for her to become a nun now.
I started to cry loud not knowing what to do and she was just standing there with a holy smile. After I managed to stop the ocean of my tears I went to the living room and had a closer look at her new nun's clothes. Still sobbing I said:
"Oh, but there are drawings of the moomins on this"
"Yes, because it's the same company that is making them" answered my mum comforting me.
And I wonder why we can not realise in time, that such a bullshit can only be a dream? :D

When my alarm clock sounded I still had this absurd situation in my mind but as I took a shower I let it go. The day was so beautiful... I had two hours free after work and before my lecture so I decided to go to the beach. As I approached the water, the strong smell of the sea, literally hit my nostrils. I smiled to myself, it felt so good... My plan was to sit there for some time, have my lunch and go walking to the university. But the wind was so strong that it was difficult to eat without the sand inside the food :) But who would care, looking at the deep, blue green of the sea?

Śnieżka was happy too :)

Finally the real spring..

We had such a nice day today... Me and Roger of course :D I said goodbye to everyone at work and went to the beach... I could hardly focus on my evening lecture :D
Just two days more and I will be with my love.
Yeah, let's not be afraid of that word :D
My love :D

Spring, Frühling, primavera, Весна, wiosna, printemps...

Looks nice, huh? beautiful I would say... Just that I'm tired... I'm so damn tired of frost, cold and snow. It's the end of March for God's sake!! I wanna green grass and warm sun :(

Scary or extremely funny?

my new baby

I lied down on my bed, decided to study a bit. After a while I took my eyes off the book, thinking about something. I looked at the big, white stain on the wall. It's right above my bed and really annoys me. Someone must have crushed something into that place, as the paint went off together with a piece of the wall. I started to think how to cover it. It's too low to just put a picture there... Especially when I had already three pictures above.
And then it came... :P
The idea! ;D
I couldn't focus on reading anymore. I jumped out of the bed, grabbed the scissors, a Monday's newspaper and after few songs, three small sausages and 3/4 of "Lost" chapter it was ready.
My new baby...
I'm a proud mother of "The Mucha Tree" ;)




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Now playing: Röyksopp - So Easy
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vertigo

Emptiness is making circles above my head
Should I stop it
Or let it go?
which side would it go?
what if it explode?
will it spread the crumbs of destruction?
or make it blank, for rewriting again?

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Now playing: MAREK GRECHUTA - Zagadki
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grey

I woke up and it was grey. Raindrops were falling on grey pavements. Wanted to make me some coffee but it would be grey too. I run to the grey station and caught a train to Sopot. It was two o'clock and the city was grey. I walked down the main street and stopped in front of a shop-window. There was a big box of 20 Woody Allen movies. Grey box. So I headed to the beach and there, 450m inwards the sea it was even more grey. A point of no return when the grey sky touches the grey sea, and makes a grey wall. I have killed a crumb of cookie yesterday. My eyes must have been grey too.
Greyness seized the day and suddenly it just got dark...

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Now playing: HEY - Heledore Babe
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Pieśń kosmosu

I was walking next to the sports field and looking at the small hill on the other side of it. It used to look so huge to me. Every winter, as soon as the snow had fallen down, I was running there with my sledges and got crazy with other kids. Going up and ride down hundred times a day. Every lunch tasted delicious afterwards.
At the top of the hill is a metal sculpture from the 70'. It's name is "The outer space's song" and it still makes me feel a bit frightened. Especially when it's dark and the wind is moving the upper part of the sculpture, making a scary noise.
Today I looked at the hill and the word "hill" sounded completely inadequate. It looked rather plain to me.
Did I grow up?
But I'm still overwhelmed by the forest. It's deep green, big and thick, old trees, darkness in the middle of a sunny day... There I'm still just a little girl.

looking for the summer

I feel the green all around.
Grass is green.
Trees are too.
So am I.
Happy.

sun, cofee and a blanket

I feel so tired and lazy... I don't feel like doing anything. Reading seems to be to tiring, just to lie down is too boring. So I'm sitting here, covered with blanket and with a cup of fake cofee.
Yesterday I couldn't sleep again. Maybe because before going to bed I was watching some report, that even made me cry a bit. I saw our ombudsman for children talking that homosexuality is a plauge that is coming from the western Europe, and we have to stop it. Don't let it spread inside our country. That hurt.
Then those young people, future of our nation, shouting about "normalcy" ? Something about faggots. That only man and woman is a normal family. That homosexuals should get to some therapy to cure their disorders.
A guy, their techie, was having some silly lecture, that sounded completely like in a church. He was talking about being obedient as a most important thing in life. Renunciation is something that will make us stronger and better. Good and abd, are the only criteria. And democracy can not exist.
I was terrified looking at their faces. So focused.
Then on 14th of february they were giving some posters that were saying about love to our country. Some other, funky girls, nearby where calling themselves 'educators' and were talking about contraception. Encouraging to use condoms to stop unwanted pregnancies etc. So those girls went to our heros and gave them something, saying 'with love to neighbors'.
'So for what are the rubbers then?' - asked their spokesman.
'To prevent from HIV, for example.'
He looked disgusted and answered through the bullhorn
'Normal diseases are flu, pneumonia and that things!'
I was even more sad and angry. I wouldn't be, but this youngsters are becoming ministers... they are responsible for our country... :( thinking about it really hurts... They are closing their minds and... no, I won't say anything more.
When I finally mangage to fall asleep I dreamt that I was dead. But as I was a ghost I was trying to let my friends know that I'm still there. I will leave it without comments.

dreams

Thick fog, trains and a friend who instead of taking care of me is trying to pick me up. My tutor is forcing me to do the difficult task and is angry that I don't even now what Trock is. It was very tiring to be sitting with an empty sheet of paper, not knowing what to write there.
- There is no Wisła - I said to my mum, looking out of the window. Because of the fog I couldn't even see the river, neither the view of the city. But I was already in the train, alone. On the bridge. With the train I was going here and there, without any visible reason. I met a lot of people from erasmus one the small railway station in Laskowice Pomorskie. You were not there. You asked our friend to look after me. But he was just embracing me with a big grin on his face.
- I thought you were gay - I said to him - or... are you just bisexual?
His face didn't change, he just nodded.
- Uhum.
But that all was just a dream. Just some thoughts from yesterday which turned into a movie, plus some fiction. That's what dreams are about.

this day has no colours

I'm sitting in my room with empty, cold walls. The desk in front of the window, a lamp, a bed and some boxes with clothes. It's all I have here.
The guy that is making my closet was supposed to come here today. But he didn't. He fell from the stairs, injured his arm and blah blah blah... I guess he just couldn't make it on time. What's the difference anyway. My closet is still not here and all our plans get screwed. Shit happens, I wouldn't bother about it much, but...
But in the morning, when we were going to buy some other stuff to my room some stupid woman was trying to get into the roundabout in front of us. While she should wait. That wouldn't be so bad, that things happens, but she even used a car horn! I have no idea why. I guess she didn't now much about the road rules. But my dad was really pissed off, as it's not the first time this week that someone doesn't know how to drive and still is very self confident.
So I have my second breakfast of anger and bitterness.
Yummy, eat honey, eat.
Taste awful, I have tried to forget about it but that seems impossible.
I'm tired. I don't want to talk. I would like to lyie down, next to Gerardo. Hug him, and just stay like that, listening to a music.
I went to visit my grandma. I know she waits for me everyday. But the sad truth is that there is not much that we can talk about. I like to listen to her sometimes but I don't like to talk about myself.
- What did you have for your lunch?
Oh, I just felt like hugging her. Like I used to when I was a little girl. And even a bit bigger girl. I turned on Fashion tv and we were criticising models. And clothes. I was just trying not to keep up the subject of my grandad. I know she misses him. I know... but what can I do?
I get off from the bus one stop earlier to walk a little. I passed my highschool... so many changes since I've been there last time. Cold wind was mulishly trying to get under my clothes but I didn't care much. Soon there will be real spring. With sun, blue sky and high temperature. In that moment I had good music in my ears and some nice ideas in my head, so why to care about the weather.

Oh.. it got dark. Who cares, this day didn't have colours anyway.

I used to much energy yesterday I guess. Facing the world this morning was really difficult. So at 9 o'clock, after some sneezeing I decided to get back to bed. What was going on in my head was also tiring. Starting from my music teacher that I met at the swimming pool and ending on a british barman to who I was explaining that for Poles is easier to understand american than british accent. I finally woke up feeling that it's late and I should at least open my eyes but I couldn't. It was 11.40 and I was so sleepy... Now I'm drinking hot chocolate and listening to old, good disco. It's so funny to see photos from yesterday's evening...
I went to meet girls at Ilona's place, but first I had to go to the shop, as they asked me to buy cheese. Hmm.. OK.. people in the shop were looking at me in a strange way (no wonder), and instead of making myself "invisible" while I tried to take my wallet from the purse I dropped the lipstick... Bitchy, raspberry pink lipstick, which roll on the floor for few meters making noise... ;) well, better lipstick that some other thing which my bag was full of. My personality was so split that when Monika asked trough the entry phone "Yes?" I replied "It's us!". I was laughing all the way up but they got paranoic that I brought someone with me ;)

A song. Still a bit silly but final version :) Oh, who cares, you have to try everything in your life ;)

taking red mobile to my hand
writing some dirty words
shall I send them or not?
will you think that I am hot?

I cross the street
dizzy of double-deckers
why they're on my right?
I'm looking to left and fuck
from where came this black cab?

Fishergate full of strangers
what all these people want?
is this really the language?
where are all the ones I know?

walking up the christ church street
I can not be a bird
so I'm just a cat in boots
black hottie in red shoes

wanna see you playing guitar
draw your picture in a black chair
I just want to make you smile
and no, I don't wanna say goodbye

wanna hear your laugh
hear you saying goodnight
oh, I know...
oh, I know, it's not the time

England

I'm sitting on a couch with my feet on a table, feeling like criticizing everyone around, judging their life choices, maybe envy them too. Just one of the bad days. A novelty is that I'm aware why I feel like that. So I know what to do to avoid that. Or rather what NOT to do :) Sometimes it's hard to avoid, but at least I know what I don't want. And that's something, right?

English weather is really strange. I think I liked it more in Spain. Or in Gibraltar, if comparing within UK :)
Well, no point in complaining.

Just enjoy :)

The Battle

My hand is moving the computer mouse although I don't want it. I'm writing this post although I know I shouldn't...
After lessons I went to buy some food. But I was tired and the only thing I was thinking about was wednesday's exam. I felt so stupid when a saleswoman was putting my thing out of my basket... Milka chocolate with raisins and hazelnuts, cookies with honey and chocolate, cookies, joghurt bar, hazelnut wafer, chocolate wafer, cherry drinking joghurt, pear joghurt, another fruit joghurt, banana-lemon juice, fruit drink, 2in1 instant tchibo coffee and yes, even those damn peanut bonbons I saw going to the cashier... Only in the bottom I had some ham, cheese, butter... 2 instant soups (no time for cooking...)
Uff... I'm sure it's all I need during revising for an exam...
And urrrrghhhh I feel like writing, reading and even dancing in the middle of my room (I haven't done it for some time, hmm, that's strange in fact). Of course I'm listening to the music and I can't help singing while taking notes. Very helpful activity, don't you think so? I even started to read about Józef Bem in english! just because I've noticed that he's a hero here, in Hungary too.
Ayy... Enough goddammit!

Loco

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

¡hola!

Hello from another dimension.
It´s really calm here. Usually quiet. I like it although it´s really hard to get out of here.
Yesterday when I finally came up to the surface I end up in the toilet vomiting. Well, shit happens... Vomits too...
But it`s another excuse to stay whole day in bed, in pajama and in his arms.
Hey, let`s see another movie!
We can emerge tomorrow, again. If we want to...
World can wait for us.
I even don´t care about it...

Act like a lady..

Yesterday was one of these days when people asked me what's wrong, or (the more genuine ones) say that my eyes can kill. Well... It's not my fault...
I woke up not feeling good. Then it got only worse. I went to the uni thinking all the time how much work I have ahead.. Why? That's the result of delaying everything for the last moment.
Anyway I was home after 12, at 14 I was supposed to met one girl (Dorka) who cut down my jeans (and now I need to take them back). Then is the time for making my presentation. At 18 language course and at 20 another meeting...
At 12.48 I had a call from Dorka. Damn I've mistaken the hours... Looks like we were supposed to met at 12.30 ... Now she has got no time... OK, let's find another date. I'll be in the center, I can go wherever to take back my favourite trousers!
"OK, I live in Blaha Lujza Square, I can wait for you here, is that OK?"
Damn sure it is! I run out to take the first bus that came, then the tram and finally I was in Blaha Lujza ter.
"Once again I'm really sorry that you had to wait for me"...
I'm here so well... I should go to the supermarket and buy something for dinner. I can not eat sandwiches and pancakes all the time.
I came back after 14. Presentation still with only the title...
Till 17 I was after lunch and with 1/3 of the presentation. Good now I had to go and would be back at 22 or something. Perfect.
Let's go to the Hungarian classes.
In the bus I noticed that I forgot about homework... Oh no... It's stupid to write numbers in the bus...
After course I was supposed to meet other Poles near Faculty of Law (they want to organise a 'polish night'). OK but I don't remember how to get there... I met Justyna, of course we got lost but then fortunately we met Agata (good that she's always late ;P) and arrived 15 minutes late (but without problems). Then we were looking for a place to sit down and discuss our ideas. When we finally found it the main problem was what drinks to order... I was getting impatient as I still felt bad and was almost suffocating with the smoke. After half an hour I realised that sitting there is pointless so I left. I still had to finish my presentation...
"I'm going out, for a dinner... OK?" Ferran asked.
Sure it's OK!
"Have a nice evening!" I replied with a the sweetest smile I could afford.
Home alone, that's perfect for my presentation :) Sade (I had no idea I will like her music so much) + vanilla candle = success!
I finished at 23.30 :)
Today I woke up still feeling bad but I convinced myself that's not true . And it helped ;)
I went to consult my ppt presentation and my teacher liked it.
"Thanks for being on time"
Well, don't mention, was there any other possibility?! I'm always on time... ;D
I was very self-satisfied and "we are the champions" in my earphones made me smile (smiling?) all the way home (what's in fact dangerous because when you're smiling in the tram lots of people look at you wondering if you're smiling to them...)