piece of shit

or maybe rather mountain of crap

that's how I feel making the same mistake for the hundredth time

it's just to go down and open door... but what then? shall I promise for the hundredth time that it won't happen again?

shall I stand there crying not being able to say a word?

or turn around for him to just kick my ass as I surely deserve that?

maybe they are all right, that is just to change the way, nothing more

somehow feels impossible

how to know what do I want?

I feel empty

worries, worries, no more worries

People worry, what are they worrying about today
Seems like there's a good reason to worry worry worry
Seems like there's a damn good reason to worry worry worry

And so I worry, because there is always a reason. I spent three weeks worrying that I made myself a holiday and do not work on my thesis. And oas always I was stressed before going to see my tutor. And as always I worried for nothing. Because I always want to be better than I am. Thinking I can do more. Officiousness is not cool ;)

"You should be doing researches. You have cool results. Some people have just the thing for it" ;)
said my tutor before I went out.

High time to understand it and finally stop the damn irrational worries.
Easier said than done.
But come on Liv... ;)

Do do do do it tonight
People worry, what are they worrying about today
People worry
Now you see I've learned my lessons
And I don't even want to hear about your confessions

...

Drop by drop is falling down to the coffee pot. Minute after minute is passing by. Cloud by cloud is moving behind the window. And I could spend all afternoon just staring at these slow movements, sitting motionlessly. It's been a while since I felt like today. A moment of desintegration. Slightly out of my body but not out of my mind. Serious and focused on my work, I can't even say if I am happy or not. Everything is just dull. My eyes must be gray and cold, as is the music I listen to. I know it will change before I get into the train this evening. I do not worry. Just do not talk to me, do not smile to me today. You may get the wrong idea.
And it will all vanish, hide behind the horizon, as the sun does every day.

artists vs scientists

They say artists are so free and liberated. They can do whatever. Maybe.
But scientists are the ones seeking for answers. They need an empirical proofs for their theories. They tend to experimentate.
And maybe there are not that many differences as we think there are.
I don't know. I don't feel well today.

mother mary

so here she is. on the crowded market. wearing a short, white jacket with some artificial fur surrounding the hood, tight jeans and high heeled boots. her left hand is up, pressing the mobile phone against her ear. right hand is down, next to a baby in a stroller. between second and third finger she holds a cigarette. that hand is a great attraction to the baby. the mother shakes it up and down, letting the baby catch her little finger for then to take it away. she keeps on repeating "hi, hi, hi..."

i should face it: i'm not as tollerant as i thought i was.

Whatever

I've never been thinking about popularity of tv series. Some of them I liked some, some not. Some of them I found completely stupid, some interesting. Like everyone. Lately I have stopped watching almost all of the ones I used to like. But today, I got a little sad, I was reading a book and thinking what to do next. The only thing that came to my mind was to watch another episode of "The Sopranos". I didn't feel much like watching a movie, just a serial.
So I came to a conclusion that I didn't want to see something new, something that will make me think too much. I wanted to see something familiar. I have already "get to know" the characters and now I just wanted to "meet" them again.
I guess old ladies, who spend their days alone at home feel better when they "know" some tv family for years.They are always there, on the tv screen, and they will never turn their backs on those ladies.
Some may show them life they always wanted to live but had no chance.
eeerr... nevermind.